My True Self...

Am I crazy for loving this book...

Mon, 28 May 2012 00:03:25 -0400

Fifty Shades of Grey Trilogy. Took me a total of 4 days to finish including sleep. I couldn’t put it down. I had to force myself to read the last one slowly.

I LOVE THIS BOOK.

I want to find my Christian Grey! For my birthday hopefully i can save up for a bottle of Cristal it’s $300! going to break my bank but willing to if i have the money to spare. Celebrate Christian Grey style!!

: Now, every time I see/hear:

Sun, 27 May 2012 23:46:51 -0400

: Now, every time I see/hear::

coffeecuproses:

A helicopter

Money

Someone mention CEO

Seattle

Sexy Bitch by David Guetta

Classical music

Vanilla ice cream

Tea

WSU

Christian

Anastasia

The color grey

Sex

Handcuffs

Charm bracelet

A gun

Hospitals

A jet

Audi

Saab

and many more… I automatically think of Fifty Shades. UGH! The…

Thoughts

Sat, 19 May 2012 05:30:59 -0400

Why do I feel the need to talk to you again. Its so pathetic if I do but damn it’s like I got no dignity anymore. At the same time like what Yu says about forgiving the people who even screw you over. Technically he didn’t screw me over but hurt me the same way I guess. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I didn’t go to that party. What if I didn’t start talking to you. If I didn’t nothin would have happened and we wouldn’t be in this awkward position. What if I didn’t try the vap and didn’t get fucked. I would have never fell asleep and nothin would have happened. I would just go home and be done. It’s crazy to know this always happens. The type of guys I would usually go for are the bad boy types. Thought I would change as a person stop going for bad boys. He did NOT seem like a bad boy AT ALL. Never in a million years would think so and yet he’s like that. Maybe he’s not a bad boy but guys do probably all have the same mentality.

A lovely experience.

Fri, 18 May 2012 17:56:00 -0400

He strokes the side of my thigh while we’re in the crowd of people. My imagination rings again as I think I hear someone at the door for the third time and he follows me for the third time. I return to the group. I could care a damn less about their conversation when all I can think about is the tall blonde gorgeous man beside me. I get dry of the thought and run to my room for a bottle of water. As expected he follows. Finally away from the noise just the two of us. I shift over near my desk away from my bed trying to not make it obvious that I want him to fuck me. I lean on lean on my desk as we make small talk. I find myself sitting on my desk with him between my legs. As he leans over I move up and we kiss. The kiss was what I have been wanting since I laid my eyes on him. He slips his tongue in and explores the inside of me.

“Candy?” my friend stands at the front of my open door. “oh sorry” she flushes and returns to the group. He walks over to the door as I stand up straight. He closes and locks the door we move together and he presses me against my closet door. Slowly removing my cardigan, sheer tank and tank. “damn you wear a lot” I giggle “sorry” I pull his sweater and t shirt over his head and he moves me towards my bed. Pushes me onto my bed and he climbs over me and starts to unbutton my shorts. Pulling it down along with my tights he unhooks my bra with one hand and continues to kiss me as i unbutton his jeans and make my way down his boxers. MY GOD HE’S HUGE. I run over and grab a condom as he takes his jeans and boxers completely off. I come back to bed staring at awe towards his huge erection. “I’m a little bigger than average” “Yes you are” as I lean in for a kiss. I lay back down as he puts the condom on. He plays with my clit a bit and positions me right. He goes in. I moan loudly. “is it too much?” I shake my head. He thrusts again. It feels so good. He continues thrusting as I moan in heaven.

After a bit he stops and tells me to get on all fours. I like this position. He moves his hand along my behind. “I love your ass” I giggle as he positions himself and slams into me. I moan again in much pleasure. He rams into me again and again and each time I give him a high pitch moan. He holds my hips and continues and picks up speed. I grab onto the bed frame and continue to moan in much pleasure. He goes even faster and then stops. As he slowly gets out I can already tell I’m going to be sore in the morning. But I like that. He removes the condom and sets it aside on my desk. He lays down beside me as I barry myself into him and we slowly catch our breath.”That was amazing” “Really?” I look up at him. “Yes” and he kisses me.

“Ready for round two?” I look at him shocked. “you don’t want to?” “Oh, I do” twice? SCORE! I run to my drawers and get another condom. This time cola scented. He looked at it “cola huh? I’m not a big fan of scented” as he opens it. I frown did I upset him? He looks at me once he’s done putting it on. “on all fours I like your cute bum” I do as he says and giggle at the thought of a guy actually saying he likes my bum. He does waste time and slams right in. I moan as he continues I release a high pitch moan every time he goes in. So big and it feels so good. “I so glad you can take all of me you’re so tight it feels so good” I giggle at his compliment and continue to release a high pitch moan every time.

Someone bangs on the wall. I look at it confused. I look at him. “just my friends it’s what they do” he replied with his own bang on the wall. His friend proceeds to bang two times now. He grunts and ignores it. He speeds up causing it to be painful yet still pleasant. It stops and pulls out. Squeezing his semen into the condom and throws it in my garbage. I lay there and he lays beside me. I nuzzles way back into his arms in embrace. We talk a bit and time passes.

“We should go back out there. I still need to go back to res” I pout. He chuckles “I have to” I frown but get up and gather my clothes. Putting them back on one by one. I grab his sweater and throw it at him. “thanks” we both get dressed and he kisses me deeply once more and we both go back to the crowd. No one says anything. I talk to my friends and so does he. He and his friends have to go as they have class at 9:30. It’s almost 4 now. They get up and so do I as I walk them out of the apartment. His friends walk out first as he is last and before he leaves he turns around and gives me a quick kiss. “good night” I giggle “good night”.

Comfirmation

Mon, 29 Aug 2011 12:49:04 -0400

Can someone tell me that it’s ODD that a first year university student is dating a high school sophomore there has to be SOMETHING odd about that…

Pokemon lunch boxes

Tue, 09 Aug 2011 21:00:31 -0400

fuck-yeah-best-posts:

ohmyguudness:

Submitted by yourfavoriteshia

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Quote I kinda was inspired to think of...

Tue, 09 Aug 2011 20:56:00 -0400

No matter how stormy and gloomy your heart may be, after every storm theres always a rainbow. <3

Stupid 2

Sun, 07 Aug 2011 21:54:05 -0400

I feel so disloyaled. That’s not a word but oh well. I can’t believe my friends would think I’d do such a thing. I’ve never lied to any of them in my life. The only time I lied was to benefit another friend. I never lied I her I never did anything bad. This is the first time I’ve ever said anything bad about her.

She went behind my back made up lies for her own gain. She didn’t come to me to clear things up. She only believed what she wanted to. I can’t believe she got EVERYONE to listen to her and get everyone to think I’m some kind of man stealing dishonest bitch.

I had to find out from others why she was pissed. If I didn’t then I still to this day would be clueless. Even now I found out. I just was to clear my name and not care what happens next. I can’t believe all think I would do such a thing. It’s so disloyal and affects my trust in them.

When this is all over. When I clear my name. If we stay friends or not I don’t care. I don’t need people who think I lie. I don’t lie about anything in my life. Everyone knows me. Everyone knows what I’ve done in life everyone knows my whole history.
Weather I’ve just zoned through or taken shit for what I’ve done I’m okay with that. It’s better than living a life of lies. But all you people live a life of lies. You’ve done things and you think they’re okay. You cheat you sleep you do so many things. But you try to live a everyday virgin person. I don’t want to live that life. Im going to be real.

Think before you do

Sat, 06 Aug 2011 18:54:00 -0400

Before shutting me out. Saying i’m a liar and flip out. How about THINK. Would i ever lie to you? HAVE I EVER LIED TO YOU IN MY ENTIRE LIFE? NO I HAVE NOT! So why would I start now? If you had a problem. You know what you should do, come up to me say “Hey, you said ___ but he said ____. Things aren’t adding up what’s going on?” I would explain.

This situation i flipped out too. Stupid guy thought i said something I DIDN’T. When you said it. Like okay don’t go to guys and be like “Hey soo ___ asked you to ___?” WHEN I DIDN’T! They guy would be soo confused and not remember so he would automatically say “Oh yeah did she tell you?” DON’T GO TRICKING PPL!

What the hell man! Seriously? You’ve been pissed at me for the past like I don’t know 2 weeks? Because of a extremely huge MISUNDERSTANDING?!?!

I still don’t understand. Why are you so pissed at him why are you throwing little girl tantrums WHEN YOU CHEATED ON HIM! Are we all just being immature and going to FORGET that fact? Like..i don’t know about you but i still see that as a valid point.

He broke up with you! You told me you don’t even know if you still care about him. Look what happened “You don’t know how important something is until you lose it” YOU NEED TO FIGURE YOUR SHIT OUT. Don’t DRAG me into this. I did nothing except be good friend. I’m glad i’m leaving for University i don’t have to take this bullshit.

I’ve been such a good friend to you. I’m always there, out of EVERYONE I care about you the most. You’ve been there for me and i’ll always be here for you. I can’t believe you would doubt me.

Stupid

Fri, 05 Aug 2011 03:04:12 -0400

What the fuck is your deal??
Like yeah I spoke to your ex that broke up with you about your break up. But hey! Who’s the one who told me you guys broke up 4 days later?? YOUR EX!

So don’t complain or be angry with me when he tells me and he needs someone to talk to. I’m friends with him too okay. You know it wouldn’t matter who told me first because with both of you I would have listened to both of you and been there for both. I don’t take sides I don’t like that stupid stuff.

Im not angry at you for not telling me first. I’m angry at you for making it a big deal that I talked to him. What’s the big deal! You scared I’m going to tell your secret that you cheated on him?? Do you have that little trust in me. I would never tell him. I have no reason I wouldn’t be gaining anything from telling him. I don’t care if you tell him or not. It’s your choice.

I told you to break up with him after. Clearly you don’t care about him if you cheated. So why bother staying. Now look he broke up with you. Don’t be pissed. You have no reason to be pissed. If anything you could be saved from him ever finding out.

Gosh why are people flipping out so much that I talked to her ex. It’s not like I’m not friends with him. He helps me with my issues. Why can’t I help him back?? That’s what friends are for no? Gosh can people just chill. I’m not taking sides.

Am I getting better...

Sun, 17 Jul 2011 01:32:00 -0400

As much as i’m growing out of my attachment issues. I’m closer to what I fear the most…being lonely.

Are you?

Sat, 09 Jul 2011 23:14:46 -0400

Why do i have this feeling that you’re behind the reason…that..the guy i met on the cruise is not talking to me. You flirted with him on the cruise too…you say you hardly talk to him but you tell me sometimes that you miss him that he’s not on…

Why do i have a feeling you’re telling him stuff to make me look bad that his whole family suddenly started deleting me off facebook… You tell me how you’re a bitch sometimes to people you don’t like… Am i one of them.

You’re from Texas and i’m in the great white north you’re only 3 hours drive away from him while i’m a 5 hour plane ride away from him.

I hope you aren’t saying bad things about me. I haven’t done anything wrong to you. I can tell you like him so all the best for you. I wish I was still able to talk to him. He’s so nice but i guess the past can have a big impact.

I’m so sorry for everything I have done and i hope you can move on from what happened. <3

Why do you care?

Tue, 05 Jul 2011 16:03:57 -0400

Why does it matter to you if I have sex or not? Why are you so curious if I do? Why do you keep asking me if I am? If you know already why are you asking? I don’t want to be the one to tell people. Honestly if you ask if I did I’ll tell you the truth.

If you ask someone about it that already feels disrespecting. You asking someone else first just spreads it more. Ask me next time and I’ll tell you if I want. If I told no there’s a reason and I hope you don’t complain to everyone that I told you no because you’d just be feeding the fire.

I did tell you the truth we didn’t have sex that night. I’m sorry if I met up with you after and had the same outfit on… Which is kinda stupid because you know I can’t go home and then go back out because of my parents. Does every little thing I do have to mean I’m having sex?

Yes I’m in a friends with benefits relationship but we are actually friends. We do chill we do go out and do other things. We do other things than have sex. Friends with benefits doesn’t mean I’m his bitch and all we do is have sex all day. Thats just plain tiring and stupid. Friends with benefits just means we chill and whatever and if we do have sex we do. It doesn’t mean we have it every time though.

School is over and I didn’t know I would still be having issues with you. Let me live my life and do what I want. I don’t need you over my shoulder and know my every move. I know what is right from wrong.

This is why I can’t wait to go to University. Just leave and not have anyone judge me. My “significant” other wont be attending the same school so it’ll be chills if I jus start fresh.

I can’t be completely too happy about University. One of the guys who spread the word about my little fun is going there. The one who’s worse than a girl when It comes to gossiping. He always wants to know everything. I am not going to really chill with him because my life at University would be exposed. I don’t want that I don’t need it to my like high school all over again. As much as I know that in University it’s stupid to gossip but you always have those little groups who still love to gossip. It’s going to be hard not to see him though… He’s rooming with one of my good friends that I will for sure be visiting a lot.

I know if I tell you you’re just going to tell others. You know how I know? Because you do the same to others. I’m not suppose to know or I shouldn’t know but you tell me anyways. That’s why I rather not tell you.

Last thing, it’s not like you tell me every detail of your life so why should I?

Using people

Tue, 05 Jul 2011 10:45:22 -0400

You say you dont use people. You say when he complained you were out of the way to drive you didn’t know. In my opinion you do use him. You called him to pick you up to go to class. If you didn’t want him to because it was out of his way why don’t you just ask him where it is to determine yourself. Don’t come to me and be like he said it was on the way. He said it’s okay. Well you know if a guy likes you he’ll do whatever for you.

Don’t lie. You wanted the ride you want to use him. You know he likes you so you’re always able to get anything you want from him. Fend for yourself, don’t rely on guys because once they figure out your true identity they won’t fall for you again.

Virginity

Mon, 04 Jul 2011 13:21:00 -0400

Virginity is something that is someone’s. They can do what they want with it and no one would care or judge. You can keep it till marriage or lose it during a one night stand.

Personally, I wouldn’t lose it to a random person. I lost it to my ex boyfriend. We were together for about a year. He has had sex before, I asked to wait till I was 18 but that never happened. He didn’t pressure me he never asked to. I chose to have sex myself. Now even though he didn’t say anything I knew he wanted to. That never changed my thoughts though because I knew if he cared about me he wouldn’t say anything.

Ever since my group of friends found out I had sex. Everyone is joking about the “v-card”. I find it disrespectful and that it is something you shouldn’t be throwing around. It’s annoying to listen to and I don’t need the “v-card” jokes around me.

I feel like people just don’t know the whole story. Yes, I had sex two nights in a row but that wasn’t my first time. I have lost my virginity before and I don’t regret it. I loved the person who I lost it to. I’m not with him anymore but I still do care about him in my own ways.

I don’t judge you for keeping it till whenever you want. So why are you judging me?

What I want

Wed, 29 Jun 2011 11:44:03 -0400

Friends with Benefits… Something I want since I’m off to University in September. I don’t want to be tied down for the next 4 years by someone who lives so far. So… we both will settle for friends with benefits.

Some people may look down upon me for that. But it’s what I want. I’ll do what I want.

I’m going to have fun tonight ;)

paradise: Friends.

Mon, 27 Jun 2011 20:39:55 -0400

paradise: Friends.:

andreaamayalove:

I swear I can’t trust ANYBODY. I honestly trust like 2 people in my life. What happened with being a good friend these days? Friendships these days are so unbalanced. I mean I hate the fact that everyone comes to me for their problems but I can’t go to them. Or I’m the one that always has to make…

I do one thing bad...

Mon, 27 Jun 2011 20:38:00 -0400

I did one thing bad! Everyone doesn’t seem to know me anymore. Well this girl I didn’t even TELL her! But she knew. She’s like “Oh i’m going to visit ___ University a lot” A few of my friends are going there so i’m like “OMG take me too!! We’ll go together :)” First thing she says “Am i going to have to take care of you?” I’m like “umm no…” She’s like “Okay, i don’t want to have to take care of people you know” I’m like in my head…okay bitchhhh what you talking about? Like probably she did hear about what I did so okay but we’ve been friends for so long and you think that one time..changed me for life? You should watch yourself too you know…”OHH I’M OKAYYY” falls onto another GUY! Like..wtf? I wasn’t doing the right thing but dude, at least I knew i wasn’t doing the right thing. Unlike you pretending to be drunk. Flipping out and shit at every girl and then falling on every guy. You’ve always been like that.

You probably think what i did was to get guy’s attention but umm no it wasn’t. First guy I DIDN’T REMEMBER how i got there. But it was a guy who i trusted and THOUGHT would do anything again cuz we broke up but nopee. Second guy I was PLANNING on sleeping with him if i found him. And guess what i did find him, so i slept with him! Gosh people stop making it a big deal that i had sex already. Not my fault you haven’t. I don’t judge you for not having sex, or waiting until marriage or ANYTHING like that. So don’t judge me if my decision was to have sex with A FRIEND that i’ve known for a while and he wanted to have sex to so HEY we both got what we wanted.

As for the girl who made fun of what i wore. I know i’m not the skinniest girl alive but you know… if i want to wear a crop top i will. I’ll wear it NON revealing. (My outfit was shorts, crop top at most 3cm height by 10cm length of skin showing which isn’t that much WITH a long sleeve rolled up dress shirt.) I thought it was okay to wear to a party. It’s not too much skin showing but yeah i guess it’s not acceptable that i wore that. Maybe because i have a navel piercing.

My navel piercing story if you’re interested is NOT to get attention. It’s something for myself. Ever since I was little i’ve been in LOCK DOWN by my parents pretty much. I didn’t really get to do what I want because I aways needed their permission. My navel piercing is the ONE thing I didn’t need their permission on. Also because they don’t know about it… But yeah, I got it because to me it’s something to tell myself that I am still my own person. I do what i want. I know some people have said it doesn’t look good because i have a tummy but… it’s not for them it’s for me.

Sorry this blog post was so random LOL but yeah…just like what i said on my first blog post. This tumblr is my secret tumblr and it’s where I can just say what i want. :)

It's not right...

Sat, 25 Jun 2011 16:41:45 -0400

So…I’m done my senior year of High School. Looking back the most funniest thing this year was…my interest in a certain person. Now he’s not in my grade, he’s younger. I don’t know why… but he’s adorable. The typical guy I would fall for though. Total chills, “sketch” guys. I don’t know why “sketch” guys interest me. Maybe because they have no care in what people say in anything they do. I had a small interest in this guy, since back in February when I first saw him. I didn’t think he was from our school but ehh what the heck he is. He’s an art student, now his art isn’t…my favourite but it’s not bad. It’s funny, ever since February, I see him everyday. When I walk to class, I always take the same route. But never have I ever noticed him. That night from the school dance I thought it would have been the last time I saw him but then next day I saw him at the library. It was so weird and ever since then I noticed him everywhere. At the time I didn’t know he was A LOT younger but after about 2 months I found out he was 2 years younger than me and I was like okay that’s a bit too much. A year, if the opportunity came about with anyone I would give him a chance but…2 years is a bit much. Well i’m done high school, off to University where I will be the youngest so I won’t have to worry about liking anyone younger than me :)

If that guy ever sees this it would be soo funny. But if you ever do and you figure out it’s you, you’re an interesting person.

I just have this feeling...

Thu, 23 Jun 2011 18:24:00 -0400

I have this feeling..you’re lying… You’re lying that there was a rumour back then that I had sex with him. I’m not saying I didn’t have sex with him. But i’m saying you’re lying that it went around that I did. No one I know knew about this “rumour”. You know how I would know if it went around. Because when an actual rumour went around that I had sex with someone else that spread like fire.

Why do I think you’re lying? I think you are because I didn’t tell you I have had sex. Who wants to tell you? You just make that messed up face of yours and be al disgusted. Why should I have to tell you? I have no reason to tell you. If I tell you not like anything is going to happen.

You’re the one who asked me why don’t I tell people. What’s the point? They’re not gaining anything and i’m definitely not gaining anything. What’s the point? Why do I NEED to tell people? Theres no reason for that. People can say what they want and think what they want. As long as I know the truth, that’s all that matters.

If you wanted to know if I have had sex or not, just ask next time. Don’t make a lie and say there was a rumour.